Some days are hard.  Especially hard are holidays when I expected to be surrounded by the nuclear family I thought I had help create.  Divorce and independent children changed that.  My children are launched and happily living their own lives.  Although I have a terrific partner and enjoy many of the benefits of his family, it’s still not the same.  Some days are fabulous and I feel completely loved and loving.  Other days are hard when, even surrounded by others, I feel alone.  Yesterday, Mother’s Day, was the latter.  I’m learning what my triggers are…mainly, family gatherings when I am not surrounded by those who I thought would be surrounding me.

I fully understand the privileges I have – health, family, friends, finances.  I also completely understand that there are so many people with so much less who deserve as much happiness, contentment, and, yes, privilege as I enjoy.  AND I also recognize that my feelings are real to me.  I love my family, I love my friends, I love my life.  And sometimes, life is just not as easy as it seems.